Letter to my son

Memory Pamella Kadau and Maria Mache Malomalo

 

My son I must admit, I am not a perfect parent!

Often, I question whether I have done a good job of raising you, equipping you with wisdom and skills to navigate this world. I write this letter with anxiety, because as your mother, I know the world is sometimes cruel.  I also write full of hope and trust that you have a purpose, to thrive and change this world for the better.

My son, even before I was conceived, I was expected to know my place in society. Growing up, I was incessantly told my role and purpose to the schemes of men. My role was to be whoever society dictated and accepted.  I was not to challenge the status quo. ´Don’t stir up trouble,´ I was often told.

Son, you need to understand that I was born and raised in a world of inequality, concerned only about my body and sexuality. You see; women and girls, your mum included, spend their lifetime being told how to behave and conform to society’s standards. We are told what to wear, how to talk, where to go, what time to move around among other confinements. Most of the times, we are told that these ´rules´ are in place to protect us. Truthfully, we spend our entire lives complying to these dictates yet we get harassed, raped, beaten but still are told we are not good enough. We are saddled with blame for rape and abuse. I am among a third of women and girls who have experienced Gender Based Violence in their lives. Why am I telling you this? I want you to understand the reality that you are part of.

From a very young age, I always knew that there was something wrong with a society that values one human being over another. A society which judges one according to their gender not content of character. I refused to be part of this society. I was everything from being head strong, determined, naïve, rebellious and curious.  From this experience, it is my responsibility as your mother to guide you. Son; there is no justification for abuse. Regardless of the circumstance or situation our responsibility is to be part of the solution to the problems we face.

Just yesterday, I remember wishing you had a mute button because you could not keep quiet. You were curious, you would want to know everything, where we were going, why we were going there and how long it was going to take us to get there. May you never lose that curiosity. I implore you, question everything in life.

On Justice

You are living in an era where opportunities are gendered, enjoyed according to the socially ascribed roles.  On the other hand, someone else is forced to work three times harder to prove themselves because of their gender. In some spaces, your brown skin is cherished whilst in others it is feared. Let this prejudice and injustice drive you. Let your voice speak loudly of justice and equality. It may sound like a futile task. You will ask, how do you confront and stop this injustice? You begin by understanding that if an injustice happens to any one of us, it has happened to all of us. You begin, of course, by not accepting and pushing back. Put your words into action and principles into practice. Remember every action, no matter how small it seems, counts.

The personal is very political. Never let anyone discourage you from engaging in politics. Everything we do or interact with is a sum total of the governance and democracy of the spaces we engage in; be it society or country. Challenge and speak truth to power on all issues concerning equality and justice.

On respect

You must always treat fellow human beings with respect. You were born of love and must know that showing love is a sign of strength. Call out misogyny and rape culture. Challenge systems and structures that condone oppression especially patriarchy. Buying a girl something is not sexual consent and justification to rape her. Rape has become an epidemic and carry lasting medical and psychological trauma. Shaming a woman and supporting rape should never be an acceptable way to vent frustration or create humour. You can stop rape. We can stop rape!

Son; never use the word woman as an insult. You must remember you were raised by a strong woman who is a product of strong women. Strong women still wake up every day to fight for equality. Every woman you will meet in life is my reflection, your mother in one way or the other. I speak courage in your life, to face this injustice, disrespect and bigotry with eloquence, tenacity, and uncompromising conviction.

On identity and sexuality

You are a boy and will be a man in a society that has expectations from you. There will be contestation on definitions of gender. Do you remember that day when you refused to wash the dishes because your friends and some relatives laughed at you and called you names? Remember how you were emotional, crying and questioning why men were so cruel. My heart aches when I remember that day because I awoke to the sad reality that societal norms and expectations not only affect girls and women but also scar boys and men.

Son, be authentic in life and seek the truth. Don’t ever fear being a misfit and get pressured to conform. Don’t worry you will find your tribe or they will find you. Even if you don’t, I want you to know, you are enough. Honour those that let you be your authentic self. You are enough!

I hope your preference for a life partner will not be based on society´s expectations. I hope you choose a partnership based on love and equality. Treat everyone as equals. Accept their choices in life and fight for their right to be their true selves. Your body is your own. No one has a right to make you do what you do not want.

You will remember when you told me that your teacher said ballet was for girls, I was mortified. I hope you remember the discussion that ensued on doing what you want and following your passion. Son, remember my words, ‘what a boy can do a girl can do and vice versa’. I hope you will understand that it is your right to challenge stereotypes and disrupt them.

You will make mistakes and I encourage not to worry of them as you navigate through this world. I hope you will wander, travel the world to seek the truth and learn. Be kind to yourself and celebrate every achievement. Always stock up on love and compassion. Be sensitive of others.

Remember always that I love you.

Your mom

First published in The Daily News on 16 August 2020

 

If amplifying my voice makes me a prostitute, then so be it!

So a progressive woman, seemingly has a new name – “Prostitute”

We live in a world where slut shaming, rape, sexism, misogyny, homophobia, sexual harassment are dismissed with jokes and so called ‘politically correct’ excuses. Many people find themselves targets of attacks and sources of amusement on social media, newspapers, stand up comedy skits and gossip circles. It certainly has become a culture whereby dominant religious, cultural and social norms, intimidates, threatens, victimizes and trivializes or even condones such behavior in our society. A case in point where morality is policed for example many women on the spotlight have been questioned on how many men they have slept with, how they dress and how they ‘behave’. The same rarely or does not at all happen to men. The double standards have been normalised in our society with media being a key enabler to objectifying women’s bodies reducing their entire importance to their facial appearance, size or shape of their breasts, curves on their legs to their bodily weight – communicating that, a woman is her body, period!

Women’s rights and choices are often undermined point and case. A highly educated and successful woman who clearly contributes to society and chooses to remain single, childless is often stigmatized as inadequate and ‘useless’. Ironically, those same choices were they to be made by a man of the same age; he would be lauded as to be playing the field. In the work place women are paid less than their male counterparts for doing the same as well as given less recognition in higher positions as it is often hinted that they got there by ‘panty dropping’ not merit.

It is a disturbing reality that society clearly has different standards for men and women on similar behavior. The gender contradiction especially on negative reputational attributes is so glaring and detrimental towards women more than towards men.

The first time I was called a ‘prostitute’ was in high school when it was discovered that I, together with my best friend frequented popular nightclubs for high school kids such as Synergy and Archipelago during school holidays. Didn’t boys also go to nightclubs but for them it was acceptable and they were never labeled. I found my name plastered on toilets walls and became the subject of murmurs and whispers in the dormitories. In the same high school, myself and 10 girls were severely punished for slut shaming a boy who had dumped our friend for another, whilst boys who had committed similar offences never faced the consequences of their actions (this is a tale for another day). I have been called a prostitute since my teen years. When I grew older, so did my clarity and ability to stand for my self, I then found out that being a “prostitute” goes hand in glove with strong willed, strength, courage, fearless and independency. If amplifying my voice and standing for myself makes me a Prostitute, then so be it!

Our mothers, sisters, wives, grandmothers and friends are Prostitutes (#SlutsAreUs)

The rising sexism we are witnessing in our country has always been part of us and is only amplified during times like elections. Let me clarify that whether the slut shaming is directed at a man or a woman, this is not right. Women largely bear the brunt of sexists and misogynistic societal bias in ways that are overly demeaning. Women who have found themselves at the centre of such weakness can only understand the physical, emotional and social damage and costs. Fear of being slut shamed has for a long time disenfranchised women from taking leadership positions in their communities.

What we often call norms will send chills down your spin when you deliberately ask your mothers, sisters and partners how they have been slut shamed and the impact it has had on their lives. Points in this article definitely have a bias towards women because I strongly believe that most men benefit from the patriarchal system, which has subordinated women and girls to second-class citizens. While we all know that the men are the primary beneficiaries of patriarchy, I would like to challenge them with this question – how are you using privilege and the benefits of patriarchy to contribute to a just and equal society? How do we ensure that our daughters are no longer subjected to this toxic masculinity, sexism and misogyny? Unchallenged, our love for them is not sufficient to protect them from this hatred.

It is in this very same strain that recently in Zimbabwe, the term whore or prostitute seems to have found new meaning. We have seen powerful women challenging and breaking all patriarchal chains in our society, this election. We also witnessed them being attacked and slut shamed because of disagreements and that they dared to do what patriarchy believes only men should and can do.

Anyone that has not conformed to societal standards of a ‘good, well cultured woman’ or dared to question and standing up to male privilege has at some point in their lives been called a prostitute. What is a slut/prostitute? It’s Us, it’s our mothers, sisters, grandmothers, friends and wives, seen to have stepped out of line!

Taking on patriarchy

Since time immemorial women have never bowed to inequality! From the historic pre-colonial freedom fighter Mbuya Nehanda and many more that have fearlessly walked the path and continue to inspire others who came after them, women are raising their voices against injustice. The resistance movement continues to grow from their homes, communities, churches, political parties and workplaces.

These women and many more continue to be pathfinders, speaking their truth and reclaiming their private and public spaces. Their agitation to mention but a few examples include fighting for and winning the right to vote, inheritance and guardianship and pushing for the enactment of laws criminalising domestic violence and child sexual abuse among others.

Taking on patriarchy has become a lifestyle because its abusive entitlement and toxicity knows no boundaries. It extends to perpetuating domestic and sexual violence, child marriages, financial exclusion, pay gaps between men and women and scarcity of women in leadership.

I am inspired by one of the fearless women of our time, Priscilla Misihairambwi, who wore a sweater inscribed HURE (prostitute) in the front and #MeToo at the back in a non-violent protest and solidarity with the leader of her party Thokozani Khupe who was labeled a prostitute because of her political decisions. This rising movement calls to light and order on how we have normalized sexism as well as the cost and damage to our social perception. The movement is taking back women’s power and rights to participate freely in decision-making spaces and processes without fear of violence or verbal attacks.

I remain defiant against the tide of sexism and misogyny. I stand in solidarity with the movement that defies slut shaming of women in Zimbabwe and all over the world. No amount of name-calling or slut shamming will deter us from speaking our truth, rising, aspiring for more and pursuing our dreams. If this is what a prostitute is then we shall wear the tag with pride and will chide the men who dare call us the same because after all, it takes two to prostitute!

If there is anything telling about the global #MeToo Movement is that, when we collectively come together to challenge sexual violence, exploitation and inequality, the impact transcends boundaries. Patriarchy thrives when we remain silent when others are attacked, when women attack each other because of years of socialisation and being pitched against each other.

We call on you to join the movement by speaking up and supporting survivors of similar attacks.

Bread and Roses to All the Mommies!

My beloved and deeply missed mother Abigail Benedetti, I salute you.

 

Her Highness my mom Abigail Bernadette

Motherhood is an intimate, personal and internal experience.   Losing mom and becoming a mother shaped my life. Everyday I wish that mom was around. I have learnt to live with the yearning but I am always present to the feeling.

My main wish comes from my inner child, who always needs her mom. I always want to call her and ask for reassurance every time I felt that I was failing as a parent.

There are days when I feel her presence. I swear I could hear her voice in my head.

You, was my first and best friend. The one, I always went back to when my other friendships failed. Oh mummy, I know what you sacrificed. I hope you found peace and happiness. I wish I had told you more often that I love you. I wish I could hug you tightly right now. I hope you knew how much I loved and respected you.

On mothers day, I sat watching my son  from a distance,I was deeply satisfied that we were  spending time together and he seemed to have been having the time of his life.

My thoughts wandered to the young and old mothers, who are going through deep struggles and that only we women understand. The pain that no painkiller can cure! My prayer for all of us today is that we get Bread and Roses!

 

PS: Wrote the piece on mothers day but it was too painful to share

Credit: Susan Wiggs

I am glad I stayed and left

Leaving and Goodbyes can be the most painful and liberating things that one can do.

I left my first job of 10 years, a place where I literally grew up. This is a place where some of the most amazing and painful memories occurred. The place formed the foundation of my professional life. The deep memories of  finding, losing and rediscovering myself are etched there. I managed to explore the world  and in the process change my perspectives about life. Lifetime friendships and relationships came out of that place. This was an organisation which I loved,  fought and sacrificed for when it almost collapsed in 2016. I had a remarkable team who believed that no matter where life takes us the organisation was a necessity in the democratisation project of Zimbabwe and should be allowed to regenerate and thrive.

 

Credit : Tatenda 

It was exactly three months, since I left, when I sat in a bar in Nairobi to catch up with my friend; she asked if I had finally taken the leap. I smiled!

I smiled because the news was not met with the usual condolences messages and too many intrusive questions. She understood it was time and that the place no longer served its purpose in my life.

 

Credit: Sophia Mapuranga

In 2013, I had a boss who almost broke me but I stayed. I stayed because I believe staying or leaving anything in life should be on my terms. The experience solidified who I am today. I know the difference between a good and bad supervisor. For than I am grateful and respectful.

I believe the essence of  life is to EXHAUST it, learn, explore, camp and leave comforts zones, fly low and very high, dismally fail and try again, most importantly always RISE.

I am glad and thankful I stayed when it did not make sense and left when it still didn’t make sense. The only sense you need is yours.

 

 

Cheers

 

Zimbabwe 2018 Elections: Young People and the Generational Question

Credit: Perry Aritua

In less than two months, we will be going for polls to elect the President, Member of Parliament, and Councillor of our choice for the next five years in Zimbabwe. In my opinion, the 2018 election is the most interesting election, since I became eligible to vote. It will be the first election without Robert Mugabe after a 37 year rule, late Morgan Tsvangirai (opposition leader who successfully beat Mugabe) and female Presidential candidates on the ballot.

Young people have been told that they will have nothing to inherit, have been called passive, misguided, gullible, lazy, arrogant, not serious, no capacity, incompetent…the list is endless. As a young woman, I couldn’t help to notice the striking similarities on what women and young people are often called when it comes to political participation and taking up leadership.

What do the Elections statistics tell us about young people?

•  As of March 2018 according to ZEC, young people and women constituted 60% of those that had registered to vote
• Young people make up 67% of Zimbabwe’s population

According to these statistics young people being the majority certainly means we wield some level of power and influence. Therefore, we must leverage on this power and influence by strategically organising and defining our agenda to move the liberation project forward. Young people in my opinion are the guardians of the future of Zimbabwe.

I submit despite the knowledge that the liberation war was fought by and large by the young people, they are not taken seriously and remain marginalized in Zimbabwe.  Lets reflect on what has been happening:

•  Of the 60 seats of proportional representation – less than 5% are occupied by young women
• Young people form the highest number of the unemployed population
• Recent Cabinet appointments left out young people

Credit: ReadyToManage

Reflecting on the topic Zimbabwe 2018 Elections: Young People and the Generational Question….   If I say it’s not about age I will be lying however it’s not only about age. It is about a generation coming together with understanding on their mandate and obligations in as far as the development of our country is concerned. The social, financial and economic implications and punishment have inspired and must inspire young people´s imagination to respond to the generational question. It is important to note that young people are a diverse group of people which includes young women, persons living with disabilities, rural and urban youths. So that everyone’s role is appreciated.  …. Appreciating our diversity and still being able to use our collectivism towards a more strengthened society remains key. We may have different homes or routes on how this should happen but ultimately we want Zimbabwe to be a better place where young people lead, take centre stage, use their power and influence to improve their country.

As a generation we have an obligation to  ensure that the coming generations are left with a better place, equipped with tools and consciousness to carry the torch forward. We should evolve and adapt to the changing dynamics and context at the same time continue with the struggle for the transformation of our nation into a democratic developmental state comprised of a:

• Governance culture where young people are part of nation building as equal partners instead of being seen as foot soldiers or  rally mobilisers and supporters.

• Where young people are also included in the political processes not only as voters but leaders capable of making a difference

• A thriving economy where young people have their names only in the revolution but also on the pay roll, improved service delivery that is gender responsive, improved infrastructure, creation of an economic environment conducive for investments.

• A better Zimbabwe where education is accessible to all, health and housing and availability of social safety nets for those vulnerable and in need

I rest my case by submitting that just like our predecessors we want something much better and liberating, perhaps our expression or thinking may be different. I continue to ask… Are we going to rise to the occasion? If we want a revolution (2018) we have to vote for it, formulate the policies, put forward alternatives to what is not working.  We must change and act. We must be the revolution!

First presented at public dialogue organised by SAPES Trust and Young Peoples Dialogue on 12 April 2018 in Harare and then modified on  28 May 2018

 

Harare Central Cells

I found this in my drive. I wrote it in 2007. Very descriptive…

The stench emanating from the tiny filthy room paralyzed my nostrils. Human waste and sweat! I couldn’t open my mouth either, as I could taste the sourness of the air inside the room. I felt as if my end was beginning. With my spinning head tucked in between my trembling feet, I began to lament on how my day had suddenly changed. I felt like a hot sword piercing through my stomach as a mixed bowl of fear, rage, resentment, betrayal, abuse started stirring in my mind – or was it in something else, because at that moment I felt I had lost everything, including my mind. This is more than hell, I concluded.

 

I could not fathom such calamities ever befalling me. September 19, 2007 had almost been a successful day, having spent a greater part of it at the NGO EXPO. Crisis Coalition had a stand at the NGO Expo this opened an opportunity to meet with public and educate them about human rights.

 

Who would have thought that a debate between two studio 263 actors namely Mai Muwengwa and Mai Madziva with UZ former student leaders about human rights would result in the two ladies wanting to settle their own personal scores by sacrificing an innocent woman?

 

Four hours after the heated argument the two ladies returned with three men in plain clothes from the Law and Order section. The men informed me that they wanted to question me about the contact details of the two guys who were already being false fully accused of undermining the person of the president. The police officers confiscated all the remaining literature and the banner, which were at the stand.

 

To my confusion what was initially meant to be question and answer session ended up in my detention. I was not informed of the reason of my detention. I was taken to a small, poorly light office where I was subjected to harassment and intimidation. I was asked the same questions repeatedly, the question becoming louder and forceful in an attempt to probe a false statement out of me. They wanted to know about Crisis Coalition funders, directors and operations of the organization. They accused me of being used by the dubious people who form illegal NGOs which were being funded by the country’s enemies and warned me to “stay away from politics”, as many people had died because of such.

 

I had to endure obscene statements by the police officers that I thought had a duty to protect every citizen from infringement of their rights whilst maintaining professional ethics in their line of work. Ironically female police officers seemed entertained and for a moment I thought they might have forgotten that there are also women. Tall police officer identified as Shiella slapped me twice and accused me of phoning me boyfriend whilst she was talking to me.

 

After the interrogation, I found myself in a filthy and almost decomposing cell. The floor was logged with urine and for some moments I could not breathe. I squeezed myself at a less moist corner, as I was feeling so weak. There were 17 other women in the prison cells. Some were in for “vending”; some for political demonstrations and one had allegedly dumped her newborn baby. The room presented a painful exhibit of mental torture. Mosquitoes and lice kept biting off all the strength, hope and dignity that had been left as salvage. I felt as if bugs were crawling under my skin.

 

As midnight approached some police officers came and pushed us downstairs for a second roll call. I fell down and as I struggled to pick myself up, I was met midway with a series of shoving and pushing. Prisoners had to contend with filthy blankets, verbal and physical abuse from the police officers.

 

In the early hours of dawn after the series of roll calls eight officers summoned me to the law and order office again for further interrogation. I was accused of exhibiting subversive material at the NGO Expo and writing statements which were deem bent on undermining the image of the uniformed forces.

 

After spending 24 horrible hours in filthy cells being harassed by the police I was only charged of public nuisance and released. I then snapped back to reality and slowly gained consciousness. I cried for loss of self respect, for the breakdown of law and order or rather lack of it and for the state of Harare Central prison cells which are unfit for human habitation. As we drove away I closed my eyes and shut the memories I never looked back! Those hours in the cells felt like lifetime.

 

What touched me the most is the ignorance of most women about their rights. Our rights are being violated! Women are forced to remove our undergarments and are denied the most basic of their rights, sanitary wear! Leaves one to question whether being a woman is also a crime? The human rights situation in Zimbabwe is precarious to say the least. One can safely conclude that it is at best unavailable and at worst nonexistent. The law enforcers are the biggest culprits, the have no respect for law and order and care less for the citizens they have sworn to protect. This story is of one who has a voice to echo. What about those who do not? What about those who just cry in silence, and those who are silenced before they speak?

 

The ICE BREAKER #Toastmaster

I met phenomenal woman, Regina Davies in St Louis, Mussouri.   She encouraged me to read good books more often and join Toastmasters. Allow me to share that those two things changed my life. More than 12 months,  I am inspired to share my first speech about myself which I presented at the Toastmaster club in Harare, The Ice breaker.

 Invisible People and Ordinary Things

 Mr. Toast Master, fellow Toast Masters and welcomed guests

 Can you imagine this girl was never a prefect or class monitor or even a group leader? I was a permanent fixture at the detention sites at almost all the schools, which I attended (count five+).

 

Those who attended mission schools will remember the honor of being selected to carry the teacher’s books to the staff room after a lesson. It’s obvious I was never selected to do that.

 

In high school my best leadership role was trash /bin manager! Naturally I don’t want to talk about it.

 

Imagine my father’s disdain and my mother’s shame

 

Imagine their disappointment, that their first seed on earth, a ‘Memory’ of their love was nothing but a shadow of self. Nothing to brag about at beer halls, staff meetings, ladies church meetings every Thursday or testify about in church!!! Nothing

 

I am compelled to explain why these two lovely human beings were disappointed. They were high achievers and extra-ordinary people.

 

My father took himself to school working as a Gardner, joined the army at an early age and rose through the ranks, and managed to send seven of his siblings to school.

 

My late mother, God bless her soul, was a leader of almost every group or cluster at my school, community and at church. She was the matriarchy of the family.

 

I have already explained to my four-year-old son, Omar Kudakwashe that those low achievements as his mother will not be tolerated and will surely send his beloved mother to an early grave….

 

Please don’t judge me …it is called parenting.

 

Something historic happened when I was in grade five and six I came first not only in my class but all classes. The school had to conduct meetings and when I came first again in grade seven we had to do a retest. (I brought evidence…I know some of you are doubting me)

 

Yes I was not so invisible in my home… At the age of thirteen I was already a gender activist fellow toastmasters.

 

I used to fight fiercely with my parents and brother why the girls shared chores whilst my one and only brother played video games. Of Course I never succeeded.

 

Fast forward, in 2001 the girl that was never a prefect, a class monitor etc. passed her O Levels with flying colors. I remember it was my father’s proudest achievement; he walked around for a week with my results in his pocket

 

To my friend’s jealousy and my parent’s amusement I got a job at 17 at Edgars departmental store. My mom had to give a testimony in church

 

In 2003 my father came home with an application form from the National University of Science and Technology  and indicated that I had apply to be a journalist. He was convinced that it was good joB. In his words “I was going to replace Abigail Bvududu and Rueben Barwe and start traveling with the President”.

 

4 years later I finished my undergraduate degree in Journalism and Media Studies

 

I joined the governance and democracy sector soon after leaving University and I was doing exactly the opposite of what my father thought I would be. However he remains proud of the person that I am.

 

My job is gratifying and it gives me to make a change and meet people from all walks of life.

 

By 23 December 2015, I would have submitted my Masters thesis. I am already thinking about starting that law degree that I wanted to do and still want to do!

 

Mr. Toast Master and fellow Toast Masters and guests…… let me conclude by  quoting one of mentors, my friend and boss….

 

“ It is US ORDINARY PEOPLE WHO CAN DO EXTRA-ORDINARY THINGS AND REMAIN ORDINARY!”

 

 

 

Changing the mind-set key towards the elimination of Gender Based Violence

Galvanized by the Beijing platform, a surge of action ascended in many countries since the early 2000s, Zimbabwe has seen a number of legal frameworks and policies put in place to promote gender equality and equity and also protect the rights of women.

The Government of Zimbabwe has also shown its commitment through the signing and ratification of a number of regional and international conventions and protocols which include Convention on the Elimination of all Forms of Discrimination Against Women (CEDAW), Protocol to the African Charter on Human, People’s Rights on the Rights of Women, Universal Declaration of Human and the SADC Gender Protocol among others. Furthermore the passing onto law of the Domestic Violence Act, the Sexual Offenses Act, and Legal Age of Majority Act, the review of the second National Gender Policy (2013-17) should also be commended.

Non-governmental organizations, pressure groups and activists have also been contributing immensely towards gender equality, empowerment of women and elimination of Gender based violence (GBV) through different initiatives across the country. However the above actions and implementation of the laws have not been without failures, challenges and limitations.

A research conducted by the Zimbabwe Women Resource Centre and Network (2012) highlighted that domestic violence accounts for more than 60% of murder cases that go through the High Court in Harare. It is estimated one in four women in Zimbabwe are violated in their lifetime. While GBV can be female on male but most reports indicate that it’s male on female. Gender based violence still remains one of the social ills that communities continuously grapple with on a daily basis.

In the wake of commemorating 16 days of activism against gender based violence, running under the theme ‘ From Peace in the Home to Peace in the World: Let’s Challenge Militarism and End Violence against Women’ the numerous cases of gender based violence reported daily in our mainstream media cannot go without a flinch.

A year ago the private and public media was awash with reports of a group of women randomly abducting, raping and collecting men semen.

Harare businessman shoots girlfriend, kills self , DailyNews,21 August 2013

Woman burns husband, kills self, The Herald, 16 October 2013.

Caretaker rapes girl(1) alleges her granny abused him, 3 November 2013

 These have become the expected and accepted stories from our communities. Sometimes we know the victim or perpetrator or sometimes we are the victim or perpetrator. The biggest question is WHY, what is WRONG and what has happened to humanity. Has violence become an acceptable and civilised form of conflict resolution in our homes? Have we accepted repugnant actions such rape, torture, murder, physical and emotional abuse that have invaded our homes and left us and our loved ones traumatised?

As we commemorate the 16 days of activism against gender based violence lets bear in bear mind that the fight against gender based violence should be sustained throughout our lives, therefore action should start by making our homes safe spaces. We can all be ambassadors of peace and campaigners against gender based violence by changing our thinking as mothers, fathers, guardians, brothers or sisters and stop giving preferential treatment to one gender against the other. Let’s think about the societal norms and values that we are reinforcing in our sons and daughters. Are we role models?

Gender based violence is perpetuated by societal practices and acceptance of violence as a mode of social interaction and political interface in communities. Let’s start by challenging oppressive inheritance laws, virginity tests, child marriages, unequal access to education among other oppressive practices that are rooted in our own socio-economic, political and cultural spheres. A holistic approach which seeks the commitment of all us is needed to address the issues of Gender Based Violence bedevilling our communities.

Charlotte Bunch concludes by challenging us that violence against women and girls is the most pervasive violation of human rights in the world today. Its forms are both subtle and blatant and its impact on development profound. But it is so deeply embedded in cultures around the world that it is almost invisible. Yet this brutality is not inevitable. Once recognized for what it is—a construct of power and a means of maintaining the status quo—it can be dismantled. By playing our part, changing mind-sets, peace in our homes to peace in the world can become a reality.

 

 

 

Moving on! Let Go! Move Forward!!

Very annoying and irritating isn’t it. Especially when it’s not yet time to hear the words!

One of my most admired and respected Pastor, Joel Osteen in his book Your Best Life Now: 7 Steps to Living at Your Full Potential said “You must make a decision that you are going to move on. It won’t happen automatically. You will have to rise up and say, ‘I don’t care how hard this is, I don’t care how disappointed I am, I’m not going to let this get the best of me. I’m moving on with my life.”

Since August this year I have been filled with anger and sometimes disappointment. The long political discussions were no longer inspiring or convincing. I had invested a lot and hoped for the good to come out of July, 31 Harmonized election. Yet the outcome was unexpected but almost anticipated at the same time. Sadly the outcome and the events that followed pointed to the fact that there is still a long way to go as far as Zimbabwe’s democratization is concerned. I must admit, I saw a bleak and compromised future (especially for my son). I could not imagine investing another year speaking to the same issues and fighting the same battles.

Today as my son’s animated ‘good morning’ reluctantly woke me up, I remembered that four months ago I barely could have a coherent conversation with him. Time waits for no man indeed! Its time! I don’t care how disappointed I am and I don’t care if things are not going to change in this country. However from this moment, I am going to fight and live my life every day. I’m going to do the best I can and face the future filled with so much uncertainty. From this moment I’m going to embrace the beauty of moving on, anticipate the uncertainty of tomorrow with the wisdom of the past.  I’m letting lose and moving forward

My hope for a Feya Feya Zimbabwe

So I decided to share my journal with my two year old son. I imagined it would help sharpen his creative and expressive prowess (fingers crossed).

At the end of the day I reluctantly ‘donated’ the journal to him because he appeared to have somehow convinced himself that it was his (so much for sharing).

So I found myself thinking that my son’s un-Feya Feya behaviour was pretty similar to what has been obtaining in our media, politics, social space and even our pockets.

My son who doesn’t believe in sharing

Having recently caught the ‘Feya Feya fever’ that has gripped town (if you are not part of it Walala wasala – you’re getting left behind) campaigning for free and fair elections; I am somewhat obsessing over the notion of fairness.

Obsession being the key word.

Feya Feya is like a fever, a bug, highly contagious and is moving at a breakneck speed.

Feya Feya …. is a colloquial term for “Fair Fair”. The phrase is a corruption of the English term, meaning in accordance with the rules or standards; legitimate and just or appropriate in the circumstances.

The Feya Feya campaign is aimed at promoting peaceful, free and fair elections in Zimbabwe in which the will of the people is respected!

I bought into the Feya Feya campaign because it resonates with me. I believe that at its core, the Feya Feya campaign is about upholding the sanctity of the ballot and protecting the will of the people as expressed through the ballot.

 

Berea catches Feya Feya fever

 

I am taking part in the Feya Feya campaign because, like many Zimbabweans, I’m tired of being taken for granted and of the national stagnation.

For more than a decade we endured the fuel and bread queues and we helplessly watched our country’s fall from grace.

Over the years, some have sought refuge in neighbors’ homes, while others fell victim to political violence and a few remained hopeful that Zimbabwe shall rise from the ashes.

I want a Feya Feya election because I think it is fundamental to the fruition of my aspirations.

 

I want a Feya Feya Zimbabwe where my voice is heard and respected. I want to live in a Feya Feya Zimbabwe where my dissenting views are tolerated, listened to and respected.

I want a Feya Feya Zimbabwe where the pains of my labour shall bear fruits and where my effort is justly rewarded.

My heart aches for my disenfranchised relatives and friends who are in the Diaspora and who often echo the proverbial Shona sentiment, “Kusina amai hakuendwe” (loosely translated to mean that one’s home always best).

I am campaigning for a Feya Feya Zimbabwe where violence is shunned, criminalized and condemned in the strongest of terms…a Zimbabwe where electoral choices are made without fear of victimization or disfranchisement.

I envision a Feya Feya Zimbabwe whose representatives in Parliament, leaders in Government respect and adhere to the oath of office. Whose dedication is to take Zimbabwe to greater heights.

My Feya Feya Zimbabwe shall rise against the odds and reclaim its former glory.

Like a mother who nurtures and protects the fruits of her womb even in hardship, I remain hopeful for a Feya Feya Zimbabwe.